


Hunter

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Urban Fantasy, Vampire Laurent, sort of not, sort of preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 05:35:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: A vampire who hunts vampires, some liked to call Laurent a traitor to his kind, he liked to call himself an entrepreneur.*Damen didn’t like vampires on principal, theyatepeople and he was a people. It made sense that he didn’t like them. But he had a problem and he needed some vampire help to solve it so that was why he was talking to the small, attractive blonde under a particularly shady part of the street.





	Hunter

A vampire who hunts vampires, some liked to call him a traitor to his kind, he liked to call himself an entrepreneur. Everyone had a vamp they didn’t like and thanks to Nicaise’s pushing him Laurent now knew he had anger issues. Anyone would if their brother had been killed, his parents dying soon after, and his uncle… well he was an entirely new issue altogether. His therapist suggested a way to get the aggression out in a healthy way so of course Laurent decided good, old fashioned murder ought to do the trick.

His first kill, as a mercenary at least, had been a sleazy old man with a thing for women half his age. Next had been his wife, who had the same problem and Laurent did her in for free. He was generous sometimes. Nicaise had of course decided that this was completely absurd but Laurent liked his job and Nicaise ate his food so he could shut it. Granted if Nicaise didn’t eat it no one would but that wasn’t the point. He paid for Nicaise to get by so Nicaise could keep his opinions to himself, including the one where he judged Laurent’s diet choices. It wasn’t as if a vampire got a lot of options.

His second kill, or second paid kill anyways, was a large man who had been turned into a werewolf and was terrorizing a small town. Laurent took his time with Govart because he happened to know the man and he was more disgusting than even the townspeople knew. His third kill was some asshole who tried to kidnap Nicaise, he would have brought him back within the hour anyways but it was the principal that mattered, and Nicaise paid him back by luring him one of his preferred humans. New to the city, no friends, no family to speak of, and not a drug addict. Laurent usually had to stick to people who could go missing without anyone caring, which meant homeless people, drug addicts, and prostitutes. He preferred killing uptight soccer moms but unfortunately people noticed when _those_ went missing. Nicaise was good though and he brought Laurent a treat so technically it was payment for thwarting his kidnap.

Sometimes Nicaise brought him treats anyways, which he was always grateful for though he didn’t expect Nicaise to feed him. That was just a nice benefit to having the young teen around. A shocking amount of people could be easily lured by Nicaise’s charms be it his looks or his ability to cry on command. Laurent couldn’t believe people were stupid enough to think Nicaise was _lost_ on any occasion given that he clearly knew his way around.

“Laurent,” Nicaise calls to him from across the apartment.

“You do your own essay, I am not writing one for you. Again,” he yells back.

“But you were probably friends with Shakespeare!” Nicaise yells back.

“I’m not that old, Nicaise. I was born in the late seventeen hundreds, stop pretending I’ve been around since the beginning of time,” he tells him.

“Fine, I had my eye on a nice redhead who was new in town but since you’re not interested in helping me I’ll just leave her to live,” Nicaise says in a haughty tone. He’s gone back to his speaking voice, which Laurent could hear across the apartment thanks to his enhanced vampire hearing. City traffic was _hell_ on his senses. Nicaise was just too used to humans to he yelled, sometimes needlessly and sometimes to purposefully irritate Laurent. Occasionally, when he was irritated with Laurent, he intentionally wanted to make Laurent feel like his eardrums were leaping into traffic.

“Fine, I already ate some poor homeless man this morning,” he says flippantly. He really would like that redhead but he wasn’t letting Nicaise bully him into doing his homework. He was well over two hundred years old; he had better things to do than Nicaise’s homework.

Like focus on his next target, some irritating fae that has been causing some problems in a forest three towns away. He preferred vampire targets but other supernatural creatures caused problems too so when people were feeling forgiving to vampires he occasionally took on a few extra cases. His fourth kill had been a vampire who was new and on a mass killing spree, going through a list of people they wanted dead dating back to petty slights from _daycare_. Nicaise liked that one and claimed he was just as petty but that wasn’t true. Nicaise knew to pick his battles. He’d kill someone for a better reason than stealing his rubber ducky when he was five.

His fifth kill had been an ancient vampire who had been a real bitch to take down but Laurent liked the challenge.

*

Damen didn’t like vampires on principal, they _ate_ people and he was a people. It made sense that he didn’t like them. But he had a problem and he needed some vampire help to solve it so that was why he was talking to the small, attractive blonde under a particularly shady part of the street. His clothing was ridiculous- what was with all those laces, giant sunglasses mostly obscured his face, and he was practically glued to the side of the building to avoid the sun. Apparently vampires didn’t actually burst into flames in the sun, Laurent had haughtily informed him on the phone, they just got sun burnt very easily and blisters were unattractive. Laurent’s words.

“I uh… need you to track down my brother and my ex,” he tells the blonde.

Laurent looks utterly disinterested, “why do I need to do this, exactly?”

Of course he couldn’t just go off and do what Damen requested right away, that would be too damn difficult. “My brother fucked my ex and they ran off together after some asshole bit him so they could like… live eternal life together. They deserve each other but she told me she was pregnant before she left and I want to know what happened to the baby,” he says.

He immediately regrets his decision to hire Laurent because he laughs and starts clapping slowly. “Oh that’s just precious. The baby is gone, sweetheart, they tend to self-abort when the mother is turned,” he says in a dismissive tone.

He _barely_ resists the urge to punch Laurent in the face. “I don’t know if he turned her yet, I just know they ran off together so will you find them or not?” he snaps.

Laurent lets out a long, put-upon sigh. “They were fucking each other behind your back you dumb brute, what makes you think they care about your kid any more than they obviously didn’t care about you?”

“It could be Kastor’s,” Damen says. Jokaste said it was his but Jokaste wasn’t exactly a reliable source. That’s where Laurent came in.

“Oh great, bastard children. Fine, I’ll find your damn ex and your shit excuse for a brother, just tell me what I need to know,” Laurent tells him, handing out a stack of papers that seemed like overkill to Damen.

*

Damen was going to kill Laurent and that irritating little Gremlin of a nephew but he had priorities so he had to deal with Laurent’s pestering questions and his nephew’s presence. When he was done with Laurent’s services though he was so staking the bastard.

“So why did your girlfriend leave you for your brother? Not satisfying enough?” Nicaise asks, giving Damen a pitying look.

Damen glares at the kid so hard that if looks could kill he would have been dead nine times before he hit the ground. “I’m fairly certain that wasn’t it,” he says in a cold tone.

Laurent looks amused by this whole thing much to Damen’s annoyance. “Fine then, you’re not horrible in bed. Where do you think they would go together? Somewhere they talked about maybe?” he asks.

“Do you guys think I was there for the fucking affair or something? I don’t know where they hell they went, to hell hopefully,” he snaps.

“Earth is hell so you’re there with them. Now, there has to be one place that is significant to one or both of them,” Laurent says.

Against his will Damen thinks on it and eventually sighs, “Cuba. Now will you two leave me to my coffee?”

Nicaise looks at Damen like he’s stupid. “Your freshly vamped brother and possibly vamped ex girlfriend went to _Cuba_? They don’t deserve eternal life if they’re stupid enough to travel _closer_ to the sun. Laurent, can I get a scone?” he asks, turning back to his uncle on a dime.

Laurent hands Nicaise a bill and the little brat takes off. “I agree with Nicaise but I’ll go see if I can track them down. I’ll keep you posted,” Laurent tells him and then he takes off, blessedly leaving Damen with his coffee. Black, like Jokaste’s soul.

*

Laurent finds the brother in Cuba as promised and stations himself outside his hotel room looking pretty. “Who the hell are you?” Kastor, or presumably Kastor, asks.

No, definitely Kastor, Laurent could see the faint resemblance to Damen with his olive skin tone, dark hair, and dark eyes. “No one you need to concern yourself with beyond my interest in you,” Laurent says breezily. “Now you have two options. One, you can give me what I want with no fuss. Or two, I make you give me what I want,” he says. Option two ended with death but he didn’t tell him that, it wasn’t a very good motivator to talk.

Kastor lets out a short laugh, “yeah, I think I’ll go with option two,” he says.

Bad choice but Laurent lets the dagger he throws do the talking. Kastor shrieks and goes to pull it out but to only Kastor’s surprise the dagger is made of silver. There was no use in torturing a vampire when they could pull the weapon out right away, and then there was the healing factor to consider. This took care of both problems efficiently. Kastor was new too so he wasn’t used to the sting of silver like more seasoned vampires were, that made Laurent’s job easier. He takes his time walking over while Kastor curses him out, not minding that he was being called all sorts of creative names. He had bigger worries on his mind.

“Now,” he says as he reaches Kastor, “are you going to give me the information I want?” he asks.

“Fuck you,” Kastor snarls, looking pretty angry at least until Laurent turns the knife in his chest- just a hair away from the heart. Kastor lets out a loud shriek that draws a few humans out but they disperse quickly when they realize Kastor is a vampire. Had they given Laurent a second look they probably would have stuck around but vampires weren’t very known for killing other vampires. Usually they were only particularly violent towards humans given that they were a vampire’s food source. Humans didn’t much like that, they didn’t like anything that ate them, but that was because they were offended to be considered a menu item. Laurent wondered if cows thought the same thing before they were turned into those burgers that humans so loved.

Human offense to vampires _did_ , however, come in handy in situations like this one. They were all unlikely to help Kastor thanks to his species and for the same reason they wouldn’t linger on Laurent’s looks to see that he obviously shared that species. Humans that were around for incidents like this one usually came to the conclusion that he was some human hunter on a crusade to rid the world of vampire evil. It was completely absurd but it was quite amusing.

“Are you going to cooperate now or do you need more prompting?” Laurent asks, head tilted to the side.

Kastor glares at him so he twists the knife a little more before Kastor shouts out, “fine, I’ll give you what you want, just take that thing out of me!” he yells. Laurent hesitates for a moment, fingers lingering on the handle like he was debating on whether or not he wanted to listen to Kastor’s request. “I’ll tell you what you want, take the knife out damnit!” Kastor yells again. Laurent grips the knife then and pulls it out; satisfied that Kastor would cooperate with him now.

“Lovely. Were is Jokaste?” he asks, tucking his knife back into his coat pocket.

Kastor glares at him, obviously pissed off about this turn of events. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he snaps.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” Laurent asks, lifting an eyebrow in question.

“I don’t know where she is,” he snaps eventually.

Well, that was certainly interesting. “Fine then, what happened to the baby? Your brother wants to know. Also I feel compelled to tell you that you’re an absolute piece of shit- you really couldn’t have found _anyone_ else to sleep with? Did Damen do something to you to earn this because he doesn’t seem the type.” He seemed more the righteous type, the kind that fought for truth and justice and all that. Noble. Laurent was good at reading people; he had learned the skill over the years. It was useful when finding victims and it was just a skill he liked to have. He doubted he was wrong about Damen, and if he was then his read probably wasn’t far from the truth.

“This is about _Damen_? Of course the idiot would have believed Jokaste, fucking bitch,” he mumbles under his breath. Well, well, looks like Jokaste used the brother too. He was a fool to think someone who was willing to betray a person’s trust wouldn’t betray his. Laurent liked Jokaste already and he hadn’t even met her.

“Yes, Damen is naïve and far too optimistic for this world. That’s not relevant to me or to him so tell me whether or not this baby ever existed,” he says. That was his job, to find this damn child that quite likely didn’t even exist now. It was a useful way to stay alive, honestly. Damen didn’t seem inclined to be violent unexpectedly but Laurent knew the hair trigger type and Kastor fit the bill. If Jokaste didn’t want to fall victim to his turning her on a whim a baby would be a good way to safeguard her life at least until she found a way out. Laurent guessed she did given Kastor’s cursing her out. Smart woman.

“I don’t fucking know. You can tell Damen that she screwed me over too,” he tells Laurent. He still looks downright murderous but he seemed to be biding his time to strike. He probably thought Laurent was too stupid to notice the way his muscles had tensed and the way he had shifted slightly as if to pounce. But Laurent wasn’t a human that would never outmatch a vampire anyways; he was an experienced vampire who wasn’t much afraid to kill. Kastor would do well to keep his plans to himself but he wouldn’t because he wasn’t particularly intelligent. Laurent guessed that Jokaste served as the brains to his operations and she was gone now, the sorry soul.

“I’ll be sure to exaggerate your suffering,” Laurent tells him in a light, happy tone before turning. To his surprise Kastor doesn’t jump him right away- instead he speaks.

“You clearly don’t know him well if you think he wants to see me suffer,” he says.

No, Laurent already knew Damen wouldn’t want to see his brother suffer. He was angry and hurt, but he wasn’t murderous. If he was he would have just paid Laurent to kill Kastor or even Jokaste. Or both after the possible baby was born. “I know plenty about your-” his words are cut off by Kastor slamming into him, which lands with them both on the ground. The move turned out to be a mistake on Kastor’s end when he found a stake plunged into the space next to his heart- the opposite side his stab wound was on. “Did you really think I had no idea this was coming? I’m no fool, Kastor.” With that Laurent shifts Kastor off his body and stands, pulling the stake out as he goes. “Word to the wise, Kastor, don’t attack a vampire who is clearly older and more experienced than you,” he tells him.

*

“You _stabbed_ Kastor?” Damen asks, annoyed. That was _not_ what he paid Laurent to do.

Laurent rolls his eyes in that annoyingly dramatic way he had, “he attacked me, Damen. It was self defense and even you have to admit that he deserved it.”

He frowns, “even me? What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

“It’s supposed to mean normal people would want their brother dead by now,” he deadpans. “Now, any thoughts on where Jokaste might have gone?” he asks.

“You’re a horrible person,” Damen tells Laurent, shaking his head.

“For what? Doing you a favor and stabbing your brother? I might stress again that it was self-defense and might I also point out that he slept with your girlfriend. Most normal people wouldn’t be offended that he got stabbed. Besides, the man is next to immortal, it was hardly like stabbing him was going to kill him,” Laurent mumbles in a tone that was far too blasé for the situation.

“You have no regrets?” he asks.

“I have plenty of regrets but none regarding stabbing your brother, no. Where do you think your ex has gone?” Laurent asks, pen poised over a notepad. Damen was jealous of his neat, almost calligraphy-like writing. His own writing was awful and probably on par with a chicken attempting to write. But then Laurent probably had the time to practice over the years while Damen lived a normal human life.

“I have no idea where Jokaste could have gone. Why’d she leave Kastor to begin with?” he asks, irritated.

At that Laurent laughs, “oh that’s easy. It was far easier to screw him out of his inheritance than you,” he says.

Damen raises an eyebrow because this was _news_ to him. Easy to fool tended to be high in the list of things people liked to tell him about himself. “How so?” he asks.

Laurent shrugs, “Kastor plays fast and loose with his money and you don’t. You’d notice right away if something went missing. That, and it’s far easier to convince a weak man that his investments are worth it. Kastor didn’t get screwed by Jokaste, he got screwed by his own ego.”

Laurent’s answer surprises Damen. “Easier to convince a weak man that his investments are worth it?” he repeats, frowning.

“Yes,” Laurent says. “Kastor is arrogant and self obsessed where you aren’t. So long as Jokaste convinced him all of his spending habits and investments were his own idea she’d have no problem taking everything he owned. I may not know you well but you wouldn’t have been fooled so easily. No ego to blind you.”

*

 _No ego to blind you_. Why Laurent’s words kept replaying in his head he had no idea. Nik would probably tell him it was because Laurent was blonde but that wasn’t it. The more Damen thought about it the more he was convinced that the words were _true_ at least to Laurent. He didn’t expect truth out of a vampire, nor did he expect the truth to be anything positive given Laurent’s snarky nature. Maybe after meeting Kastor Damen didn’t seem so bad after all. He liked to think there was a reason that he was his father’s favorite after all. Kastor had always been jealous of that, jealous of Damen’s natural charisma, his natural talents in near anything he took an interest in.

He probably should have listened to Nik when he said that was going to end badly but he hadn’t. Instead he chose to think maybe his brother wasn’t a total asshole and that didn’t pay off well. He supposed there was something to be said for the fact that Jokaste ended up screwing Kastor over too. It was sort of karma even if only half the people got what they deserved, Damen had faith Jokaste would get what was coming to her too. Or maybe not given how smart she was. He might not like what she did in any capacity but he had to appreciate her intelligence in managing to pull all of this off. It was a grudging kind of respect but it was there.

What he didn’t like was that Jokaste was always one step ahead, and Damen had no clue where she’d go after all this. She tended to play things close to her chest, which Damen thought was some kind of hard shell hiding something softer but he realized now he mostly only saw what he wanted to. Laurent had whined about it but eventually told him he’d find some other way to track her down. Damen had rolled his eyes at him given that he was being _paid_ to do this so his whining really was unnecessary. It wasn’t as if there was no compensation for his troubles even if there was something almost endearing about Laurent’s inability to just shut up and deal with it. He had quickly put that out of his head though because the voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Nik told him that finding anything about Laurent appealing was like trying to pet a tiger and acting like it was a house cat. It was a bad idea. He liked to think Nik would be proud of his thought process.

*

Laurent throws a note down in front of Damen and he picks it up, reading the handwriting that obviously belonged to Jokaste.

_The baby was never yours_

  * _J_



“Well that’s heartless,” he mumbles to himself, more upset about this than he thought he would have been. He hadn’t even realized he wanted kids until now really, until now he never needed to think about it.

“Yes, she wasn’t pleased to be tracked down but I think she’s telling the truth. I think she told you it was yours to curb your anger at her not that I think she needed to worry,” Laurent says.

Damen raises an eyebrow, “what makes you think that?” he asks.

“The fact that you were offended that I stabbed your brother despite how he treated you. That, and I recently discovered you dabble in vampire hunting and you haven’t stabbed me yet even though I clearly annoy you. You’d never win a fight, by the way,” Laurent tells him confidently.

Despite his instincts telling him it was a stupid idea he grins, “we’ll see about that. I’m pretty good,” he says. _Very_ good actually. Which he was sure Jokaste told Laurent, likely in an attempt to dissuade him from talking to Damen more than he needed to. It was an obvious plot but Laurent said she didn’t want to be tracked down so getting rid of Laurent was an easy way to ensure safety. It wasn’t like Damen was going to track her down, he wouldn’t know where to start and now he had the answers that he wanted even if he didn’t like them.

Laurent laughs at Damen’s determination. “I’m over two hundred years old, you wouldn’t beat me,” he says, drawing Damen’s attention back to him.

Damen shrugs, “I’ve killed older,” he says. It had been a real bitch but he had managed.

“Really,” Laurent says slowly, “how old was the vampire?”

“Around five hundred, I think. Maybe a little younger,” he admits. It had been old anyways, and some pissed off too.

Laurent’s eyebrows shoot up, “I’m sorry, did you say _five hundred_?” he asks. Damen nods and Laurent shakes his head, “alright, now I have to see your skills. No normal human could do that.”

*

Nik looks at Damen like he was stupid, which was probably due to the fact that he was battered and bruised all over. “You fought a vampire _without_ the intent to kill it?” he asks. “Jesus, is it blonde?” he asks.

“Okay that had nothing to do with it,” Damen says in his own defense.

This earns him a long groan and Nik sighs, “Damen, _stop it_! Why do you do this?” he asks.

“He didn’t believe that I killed a really old vampire so he challenged me to a fight. I won so what’s the big deal?” Laurent had surprised him with his ability to fight but Damen had adjusted quickly. He hadn’t expected Laurent’s slight frame to hide so much skill and muscle, genuine muscle, not vampire strength. There was plenty of that too, but Laurent’s ability to fight was impressive, learned, and _good_. Damen was better of course, even when Laurent resorted to _cheating_ , but it had still been a close enough call. Laurent eventually had to give Damen the benefit of the doubt when he managed to pin him to the ground with a stake to his chest. Had the intent been to kill him he would have been dead. Technically that happened twice but the first time Laurent decided to throw dirt at Damen’s face in an attempt to cheat so really he beat the vampire twice though Laurent only admits to once.

“The big deal is that you made friends with something that considers you _food_!” Nik says, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

“Okay friends is a little loose of a term- we fought and I could have killed him. That’s not a friendly activity,” Damen points out. Plus Laurent had been all moody and sulky about it so really it was hardly like he made a friend, he just proved an arrogant vampire wrong.

Nik rolls his eyes, “oh please, this is basically foreplay for you. Stop hanging out with the vampire,” he says.

“His job is done, there’s no reason to hang out with him,” Damen says. “And this is not foreplay, it was a fight to prove that Laurent is an ass and I won so it’s done.” He’d cherish the look on Laurent’s face for eons to come.

“If you say so,’ Nik says, clearly not believing Damen’s story.

*

Laurent is already annoyed of his new mark, some irritating little vampire punk who really shouldn’t have been turned. Children were always awful when they were turned and he was now dealing with a fifty year old that looked eleven and acted like it too. Apparently enough people in the neighborhood got annoyed of him because they all paid to kill him off. The circumstance was similar to his seventh kill, except the vampire was in his mid-twenties and thought it was a good idea to try and eat people at clubs instead of taking his meal home and _then_ eating them. Bad business for club owners so they paid Laurent to take care of their problem. He’d bet that guy thought being turned into a mostly immortal creature would give him a longer life but no, his own stupidity cut his life short. He’d also bet that this fifty year old perma-child thought the same thing.

He missed the simplicity of Damen’s case already. Damen might have annoyed him with all his righteousness and whatnot but he was simple and straightforward. His current target was a little more complicated thanks to his perceived age. Killing vampire children in public didn’t go as well as adults given that people saw children before they saw vampires. They were idiots for it but that’s the way humans worked. He stares at his complied research and can’t help but thinking that he’d rather be tracking Jokaste down because at least that wasn’t tedious, not like this anyways.

“If I asked would you turn me into a vampire?” Nicaise asks Laurent, causing him to jump in surprise. It wasn’t easy to scare a vampire but Laurent was comfortable in his home and his research on his current target was engrossing. Plus he was used to Nicaise’s scent and presence, he no longer registered him entering the room anymore unless he was with someone.

“No,” Laurent tells him even though that’s only half true. He’d wait until Nicaise was at least in his mid twenties because being a child forever in looks was only pleasant when you were fifteen and had no idea what that’d mean for you in a decade or two. He’d regret being turned as a child in five years or less so Laurent would wait.

“I bring you food,” Nicaise whines.

“I am capable of doing my own grocery shopping,” Laurent reminds him, “you’re brining me treats. Which I can also acquire on my own.” He lived for two centuries and some without Nicaise, he knew damn well how to lure a victim. Nicaise just made things a little less complicated.

Nicaise sighs, “well I want to be a vampire so change your mind,” he tells Laurent and he can’t help but laugh.

“You really want to be fifteen forever?” he asks, shaking his head at Nicaise’s absurdity.

“It can’t be _that_ bad,” he says.

No, not for the first few years Laurent would agree. Even twenty-one, Laurent’s physical age, was too young. He would have preferred to be turned around thirty but there were some circumstances that required Auguste to turn him sooner than later. And at first that was fine, but once he got older, and then _much_ older, he noticed how people treated him differently based off of assumed age and experience. People looked at young people differently than they did older people, which irritated him but he couldn’t do much about it now except stop Nicaise from trying to make stupid decisions.

“You’d regret it in less than a decade. Being fifteen forever has serious disadvantages,” he says.

“Like?” Nicaise prompts.

“Like no one believing you can vote, everyone assuming you’re stupid thanks to the way you look, and good luck finding a relationship that people will take seriously looking like a child. The only ones who’d be interested would be creeps- this I know from experience. Do you really want to spend the rest of eternity being undermined by near everyone you meet?” he asks Nicaise seriously. He couldn’t imagine Nicaise would want that, he already disliked being treated like a child even though he was one. Due to life circumstances he was far more mature than the average child his age, but he still got treated like everyone else his in his age group and resented it. Why anyone would want that treatment forever he had no idea.

Nicaise slumps a little, “no. But I want to be a vampire,” he says. “Being human sucks.”

Laurent didn’t disagree there. He didn’t like being human when he was one either but he still wasn’t going to turn Nicaise unnecessarily for such a frivolous reason. “Being human is unpleasant yes, but I am not turning you because you dislike your current species. That is absurd so deal with being human for the next decade and then I will consider turning you,” he tells Nicaise in a prim tone.

“A _decade_!” Nicaise whines, “oh come on! I’ll have _wrinkles_!”

Laurent rolls his eyes, “you’ll be twenty five, Nicaise, you will not have wrinkles. And you’ll look like an actual man instead of a boy. Trust me you will thank me later for that.” Sometimes Laurent wished he looked older than he did. He knew how to make up for it in the way he carried himself but it took some time to master that. Nicaise could certainly do that too, but it would be far harder for him looking like a barely pubescent boy.

“Whatever,” Nicaise mumbles. “What do you know about the American Revolution?” he asks.

He shrugs, “no clue, I wasn’t born yet. I know all the same things you do.” Nicaise frowns and Laurent sighs, “I was born in 1785, the revolution ended two years before that and even if it didn’t I would have been a child. As if I would remember the details.”

“You’re useless,” Nicaise tells him and he walks off to his room to sulk in private like a proper teenager. Laurent is proud that Nicaise was now acting like a normal teen even if it infuriated him.

*

Damen snickers against his better judgment. His inner Nikandros told him that talking to Laurent, even if they ran into each other by accident, was a bad idea but his complaining about his nephew was hilarious. “He thinks I’ve been around since the beginning of time or something. Just because I’m older than any human he’d ever meet does not mean I know things about World War Two, I spent that entire decade high on opium,” Laurent says, rolling his eyes.

“You got _high_?” Damen asks, surprised given that Laurent didn’t seem the type.

He shrugs, “it was an experimental phase and I didn’t like it,” he says.

“So you continued to do drugs for a _decade_ afterwards? That makes no sense.” If he didn’t like the drugs why not just stop doing them right away?

Laurent sighs, “humans. You have such fleeting concepts of time. For a vampire ten years is nothing, at least by the time you’re my age. It’s like a week to a human, like spring break if you will. Plenty of students go and get plastered on spring break and decide to never do it again and that’s basically what I did. Don’t bother with opium,” he says like Damen would have ever considered the drug to begin with. He experimented with ecstasy and sex once as a teen and never went back to it. It wasn’t a bad experience; he just didn’t see the point.

“A decade is a vampire week? How old would Nicaise be to you then? Like a week and a half old? Jesus, I’m only _two and a half weeks old_ according to that.” That almost seemed absurd to Damen, thinking of a full decade in such small terms as far as time increments went. That and he was offended that to Laurent he was basically a fetus.

Laurent lets out a small laugh, covering his mouth with his hand for a moment, but then he starts laughing harder. “I never thought of that but it’s true, you’re basically a baby to me. Nicaise is practically still in the womb though- he likes to think he’s clever but he’s quite predictable. You at least leave something to the imagination,” he says. Something to the imagination? Damen looks down at himself and frowns as Laurent laughs lightly again. “Mentally, Damen, not physically. We can all very clearly see what you look like,” he says, giving Damen an appreciative once over.

Damen’s cheeks heat a little against his will so he talks to cover his annoyance with his stupid body’s reactions. “What do you mean mentally? I don’t really think I’m that interesting,” he says. No one else did either, except maybe Nik but that was because he found Damen’s sexual relationships going terribly amusing in an ‘I feel bad for my friend’ kind of way. Damen totally resented Nik finding his relationships amusing but what could he do about it? To be fair his relationships _were_ usually disasters waiting to happen. And Damen got a kick out of watching Nik pine after his neighbor Jord, who had no idea Nik existed but regularly said hello to Damen. It was even really.

“Sure you are. Your reaction to Kastor is fascinating, and even your reaction to Jokaste. You have a forgiving nature, you’re soft, but you aren’t weak,” Laurent tells him.

“You can’t know all that, you’ve known me for what, a few weeks? Its not like I’ve given you much,” Damen points out.

Laurent’s lips quirk up a little, “oh but you did. When you came to me you had a clear goal, but you weren’t angry. Not in the traditional way anyways. You were more… disappointed I suppose. The people in your life failed you and you were obviously upset about that, but you clearly didn’t let it hold you back. You were determined and clear headed. I’ve never seen anyone react to your situation like that. It was… interesting,” Laurent says slowly, head tilted to the side as he examined Damen.

He guessed all that was true but he still didn’t see why that was weird, that was just how he was. “Why is that interesting though? What did you expect?” he asks.

“That you would want me to murder your brother, obviously. If nothing else you have a clear distaste for my species,” Laurent points out. “But even then you put that aside because you knew I was the most qualified to deal with your problem. Honestly someone with your level of skill and in your situation probably would have murdered your brother or maimed him a little at least.”

Damen had to wonder what kind of freaks Laurent spent time with because that was all _horrible_. He couldn’t kill his own _brother_ , or even hurt him really. Yes, Kastor was an awful person, and yes Damen wasn’t exactly fond of the man anymore, but he wouldn’t hurt him. “You clearly hang out with some depraved people. Is that a vampire thing?” he asks.

Laurent rolls his eyes, “slavery was legal for a good portion of my life- lets not act as if your species is _less_ depraved than mine. At least we kill mostly because we need to; humans kill for the hell of it and for some incredibly stupid reasons. Also wanting someone dead is normal, everyone has wanted someone dead at some point. People use the phrase ‘I’m going to kill you’ all the time, don’t be such a stickler,” Laurent says.

“I have literally never wanted to kill anyone in my life,” Damen says seriously. Sure, maybe he’d joke about killing Nik but he’d never _actually_ kill Nik. Did people actually mean that when they said it?

“Don’t look so lost you dunce, you’re apparently just too good for your species. But yes, normal people want people to die every once and while. Nicaise regularly wishes death on his classmates but in his defense they are incredibly stupid,” he says, shaking his head at this apparently unfortunate fact.

“Maybe Nik is right to say I’m not normal,” Damen mumbles more to himself than Laurent.

“Let me guess,” Laurent says, “when Kastor went off and screwed your girlfriend you wondered what _you_ did to him instead of asking why he was such an asshole. Am I right?” he asks. Damen nods somewhat reluctantly, wondering where this was going especially when Laurent lets out a short laugh. “Oh you are precious. I’ll bet all you did to Kastor was exist in a way that was better than he could ever be. He’s quite arrogant according to your ex.”

Jokaste called Kastor arrogant? Damen had to wonder why the hell she slept with him then, or why he had to get hurt in the meantime. “Yeah, Kastor was an ass but I always thought that he wouldn’t be an ass to me. Brotherly love, you know?”

Laurent shakes his head, “your first mistake is assuming everyone is as good as you are.”

*

Nikandros didn’t anticipate bonding with a fifteen year old toddler over plotting to break up the weird relationship that was budding between Damen and Laurent but here he was. “They can’t get together, Damen is food not friend,” Nicaise mumbles under his breath, glaring at Damen. Nik suspected he was mad that Laurent wasn’t paying as much attention to him as he used to. Nicaise seemed like the type to like attention, like Kastor except actually smart.

And that was another problem. Laurent was Jokaste but male- this was _bound_ to go horribly and that wasn’t even considering the vampire thing because Nicaise had a point even if it was made out of jealousy. “Laurent is something we kill, not befriend,” he counters. Nicaise gives him a dirty look for that but he was the one who called Damen food first so this was his own fault.

“How do we break them up?” Nicaise asks, getting straight to the point.

Nik looks down at the kid, “ _break up_? When the hell did they start dating?” he asks. It occurs to Nik that this was Damen and Laurent’s version of ‘meet the family’ and he is horrified. This needed to end immediately.

“They go on weekly dates since they somehow _found_ each other in the street three weeks ago, they’re obviously seeing each other at the least. They’ve never even crossed paths before, how did this happen!” Nicaise asks, looking horrified. “Laurent is a creature of the night and he’s up during the day now to talk to Damen! He needs to stop it!”

Yeah, and Damen was up all night talking to Laurent. “Maybe if one of us died they’d stop,” he says.

Nicaise rolls his eyes, “Laurent would just turn me. He’d probably let you die though so if that’s our plan this coffee shop is on a busy road, traffic is waiting,” he says. Nik glares down at the kid again because that was equally dark and mean.

“You are horrible,” Nikandros tells him. Nicaise shrugs, uncaring and they both look back to Damen and Laurent. “I guess at least if Laurent tries to eat Damen I know he can kill him,” Nik says. It was a small comfort but it was useful nonetheless.

“You’re horrible too. He better not kill Laurent, Laurent pays the rent,” Nicaise mumbles.

They sit there in silence for a few moments before Nik voices his opinion on this being some twisted meet the family thing. Nicaise looks horrified, “good god, I hope not!” he says, looking appropriately upset about this.

“Well, Damen is stubborn as a mule so there’s no shaking things on his end. What about Laurent?” Nik asks Nicaise.

He sighs, “oh if this is his version of meet the family the time to break them up has passed. He’s also quite stubborn and if it’s gone this far he’s not about to change things because we don’t like it. That, and he’d see our plans to mess things up from a billion miles away. He’s actually smart, unlike Damen,” Nicaise says, nose in the air.

Little prick. “Damen is smart,” Nik says in his friend’s defense. It was true even if he sometimes wondered.

“No he isn’t. so are we resigning ourselves to this unnatural relationship or are we going to risk Laurent busting us? I need to know because I have stuff to do,” he says.

Nik rolls his eyes, “oh I’m sure you can catch the next Kidz Bop concert, Laurent clearly spoils you. We are not resigning ourselves to a vampire trying to fuck his food. We are going to talk to them about it and hope they see reason,” he says.

*

Laurent’s giggles through the phone were almost cuter than they were in real life. It was so weird to consider that Laurent was a _vampire_ when he seemed so human. “Nicaise-” Laurent wheezes out and he starts laughing again. “Nicaise has decided that… that we shouldn’t be together,” he says between fits of giggles.

“This is funny _because_?” Damen asks, unsure as to why Laurent found this amusing.

“He told me this by handing me a plate of his food and telling me that he wouldn’t fuck his potatoes, so I shouldn’t fuck my blood bag,” he says, bursting out into new giggles.

Damen frowns, “I am not a blood bag!” he says, taking offense to Nicaise’s comment.

“Of course not honey, you’re a skin sack full of organs, blood, and various other bodily fluids. Don’t sound so offended, I’m not much different minus the blood thing. Still, Nicaise thought he was being clever but he clearly didn’t consider that I’d obviously just turn you if this worked out,” he says casually.

Damen lets out a squeak, “you’d _what_?” he asks, his voice going up several octaves.

Laurent lets out a long sigh, “Damen, if this works out I will not love you when you look like a shriveled up old raisin and smell like you’re two days away from embracing the grave. I’m sorry, but humans look disgusting as they age. So to avoid that I’d jus turn you. Also I am not subjecting myself to this only to get heartbroken when you inevitably _die_ ,” Laurent says in too casual a tone for it to be real. Try as he might Damen knew that was the real reason he’d consider turning Damen, not because he thought old people looked weird. Damen thought aging was a beautiful process but he got the feeling that if he told an essentially ageless creature that he’d just laugh.

“Well you’re going to have to wait then because I am not subjecting myself to immortality if this is just a fling. I’m not an idiot like my brother,” he says. “Uh… also you don’t like… consider me _food_ do you? Because that’s weird.”

“No Damen, I don’t consider you food any more than I consider Nicaise food. You don’t eat where you make connections, that’s messy and unnecessary,” Laurent says flippantly.

Damen relaxes, “oh thank god. It would be a bit odd if you thought of me as a food source,” he admits. He’s thought about it but mostly he preferred to ignore that altogether. It’s not like the thoughts have never occurred to him, he’s thought this through every time he saw a human dating a vampire. He just wanted to know that this _particular_ vampire didn’t think he was food.

“You’re not my type,” Laurent says. “I like them smaller and preferably a housewife. No idea why, they just taste better. I do have vampire friends though, Jord might consider you food. Lazar will _definitely_ consider you food but Pallas is civilized. No worries, they know better than to cross me, I kill vampires for a living,” he says.

Damen takes the phone away from his ear and frowns at it, “you do _what_ for a living? And does this Jord happen to live on Park street?” he asks.

“What the hell did you think I did, Damen? You _hired_ me for my services, how did you- you know what, it’s you that’s how. And yes Jord lives on Park, in some ugly apartment building he thinks is good hunting grounds. Why?” he asks.

He sighs, “I think he might already consider me food…” He does _not_ appreciate Laurent’s laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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